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Sunday, November 25, 2007
I haven't been blogging, coming online or editing pictures! 15 days is a record! Blogging is just so dull these days... And I've been playing The Sims 2 like there's no tomorrow. Got bored of it now. So basically, I'm just sitting at home, jumping around like a lunatic, reading books or magazines and watch tv.
I have serious sleeping problems. My pimples are like... getting worse and worse. I have this very, very unhealthy obsession over my looks. I went and press my pimples, now it's like infected and swelling and scarring, arghhh... It's because of sleeping problems and of course, PMS. I laid on my bed for hours, finally fell asleep. BUT, only to be awoken by my nightmares after 1 or 2 hours of sleep. Then I couldn't sleep anymore. This went on everyday. I've been having this Memento Moris in my dreams. I keep dreaming of deaths and ghosts. I think it's insomnia. I have all the symptoms. I want sleeping pills. But my dad said I'd get addicted.
My mom, getting dressed up for her annual dinner. She looks like an opera singer to me xD Make-up so thick.
***
Been watching movies after movies. Black Adder is awesome! Owhhh Baldrick, you're so funny xD Starring Rowan Atkinson (Mr.Bean) and Hugh Laurie (Dr. House). This show is hilarious! Wait, hilarious is just an understatement. It's beyond funny.
Prince George:
What can I do to a woman that I can't do to you?
Blackadder:
I cannot conceive, sir.
[Referring to a suicide pill they have both been given, after being captured by French revolutionaries]
Baldrick:
I'm glad to say you won't be needing that pill, Mr. B.
Blackadder:
Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words "I have a cunning
plan" marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this
conversation?
Baldrick:
They certainly are.
Blackadder:
Well, forgive me if I don't do a cartwheel of joy; your record in this department is hardly 100%. So what is it?
Baldrick:
We do nothing...
Blackadder:
Yup, it's another world-beater.
Baldrick:
No, wait. We do nothing... until our heads have actually been cut off.
Blackadder:
And then we... spring into action?
Anyways, much has happened, but just never made an attempt to write it down and all, not even bothered to do that. Memories. Been isolating myself and confining myself at home, ignoring invites for outings and just spending time with family and with myself. My mom went to Qatar, miss her lots. Sigh, that's all. I'm not missing my schoolmates at all. In fact, I've been thinking... I hate schooling. I'd rather be homeschooled. Learning everything at my own pace. I don't need school at all, it does me little help. I hardly ever listen to teacher, I study on my own, I just need the textbook to figure everything out. Going to school is a waste of time! The people there doesn't really excite me, the lessons tedious and the co-curricular inactive/lame as ever! I'm pessimistic by nature.
Vagimy came over and I went to Malacca. We can talk and talk, incessantly! And of course, with going to Malacca and with Vagimy, I was bound to eat as much as I talk. Whoa. My friends eat so little, and I just don't get it. I always finish my meals, unless it tastes awful. I eat fast and eat a lot. That's why I'm not thin. I'm not overweight or fat lar, but just chubby. I prefer slim and slender bodies, but... being a bit chubby got it's advantages too. I have curves! Hahahaha. But my friends have a tummy of anorexias.
( The pics are all unedited. )
At Kepong's 24/7 McDs.
McDs at midnight, how fattening and unhealthy, right?
Hahahahahahaha. Gluttony.
***
At Malacca's Hotel where my dad had his conference thingy.
Vagimy : Just act stupid lar, you don't even live here!
Vagimy can really be a comedian. She's very outgoing, not shy at all and very funny. She's a carefree soul.
I sometimes care too much of what people think, so I may not be really good in acting stupid.
The biggest doughnut I've ever seen.
The chocolate's just too much, made me a bit sick.
I gotta go sleep. Must try to sleep early. For the sake of vanity! Beauty is overrated. And acting dumb and bimbotic is just... ridiculous. I used to do that when I was in form 1, cos' that gained me lots of attention from guys, then now no more. I became serious!
AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart
Optimistic and honest.
Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and
loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but
original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.
How inaccurate. I'm far from being a sweetheart. I show my moodiness. I'm not optimistic. And I'm honestly blunt. And I'm immensely emotional and I look pretty sad all the time. And the rest are quite accurate xD Wait, I'm not intelligent. I'm highly intelligent.
Hahhaa joking joking.
Posted at 6:42:39 pm by sabcyj
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Saturday, November 10, 2007
Today dance class was a nightmare. I turned up late because I woke up really late in the afternoon. And I couldn't dance this week. I kept messing up and forgetting my moves. You know, I think I have this immense craving for teacher's praising. I feel satisfied when teacher praises me on my dancing, but today, he didnt - for obvious reasons.
The most terrible class so far. It's like I was having a hangover or something. One minute I remember and performed everything on time and smoothly, the next minute, I screw everything up. Arghhh... I always have to be the best, you know? Or not I'd feel like there's something wrong with me. And praises are compulsory for me, in everything that I've worked hard for. Without them, I'd feel deterred. I think being a sore-loser spurs me to constantly yearn and achieve only the best (in preferred areas), or at least better than most people.
Digressing... Anyway, teacher briefly explained the concept of Jazz and Modern dance. I've taken a slight interest in modern dance ever since I saw Diane Kruger did it in Wicker Park. [Click here.] Modern Dance is all about expressing - lyrical. It tells a story, movements have to be really sharp, solid and stable, at the same time flexible. And best of all, it uses music! Music without singing - so it's universal! That's what teacher told me about Modern Dance. I'm still researching on the concept, techniques and origin of different dances. I want to join modern dance class!
***
You know, sometimes when you see someone, and you just have an instant, visceral dislike for that someone (although you don't know them in person)? Jolin, Vanessa Hudgens and Claire Forlani are examples. And I'm not jealous, okay? I hate it when people say that I just dislike them for their beauty. I honestly think they're physically beautiful people, but they're so irritating. Jolin is so irritatingly perfect. Vanessa Hudgens is so irritatingly "sweet". And Claire Forlani's acting is just irritating. If there're beautiful people that I'd be really envious of, it'd be Catherine Zeta Jones, Julia Roberts, Zhang Zi Yi or Diane Kruger. I admire them. They're beautiful and ACTUALLY TALENTED.
Okay lar, so tired after so much of talking.
The chinese novel that made me skip a night of sleep and made me cry till my eyes went sore and ugly for a day!
FEMALE magazine rocks! One reason why I love female so much is... they have a lot of articles and interesting facts. And they're really thick. I don't look at pictures so much. I'm not really into fashion magazines. I'm an avid reader of FEMALE and CLEO. I have to buy these two every month... or else I'll die! And these two aren't bimbotic. Magazines have personalities too.
Digital Enhancing (This Month's FEMALE issue)
Before.
After.
Before.
After.
Before.
After.
I want a nice, small and sharp nose; long, shapey legs; lots of liposuction and hair implants! It's not that I'm not thankful for God's gift. I'm grateful that I have legs that can walk and do work, but they can be better-looking, right? I want to have the ideal dancer's body. Slim, supple, long, flexible and graceful. I don't want sticky-thin and don't want bulgy-fat (like what I have now). I guess I'm at this teenagehood stage where I have really poor self-image and ahhhh... new pimples popping up!
I asked my mom once, why did God have to be so unfair and make some people different (as in looks - ugliness)? She replied, "If he made everybody the same, then everybody would look the same." So it's just right then - God's gifts are all beautiful. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Okay, speaking of God, it's a sensitive issue. I don't have a solid concept on God and his existence, I'm not religious at all - but sometimes God is just something I wanna believe in - faith. How we and everything exist still remains a mystery. If God made us, who made Him then? A mystery I'd like to crack.
Watched Haunting Sarah? Great movie.
Posted at 11:22:45 pm by sabcyj
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Friday, November 09, 2007
I'm so damn sleepy. I deliberately skipped a night of sleep so that I could adjust my body clock back to... normal. Normal as in, sleep early wake up early. Ever since I started secondary school, I became really nocturnal, sleeping when everyone else are awake and active when everyone else are asleep. It's not good for my health. So I've got to adjust it back to healthy time, PRONTO!
Microwaving egg.
I just started my 8th grade lesson.
For me, once I failed, I'll work my ass off to immediately bounce back up. I have this extreme phobia of failing. So, my last grade of piano, have to really work hard. I still loathe scales. My teacher's quite a patient person. I hardly ever practice my piano and all, she would ocassionally raise her voice at me, but then... she's still as calm as ever. Haiyorh, I just hate practicing. Everytime my finger touches the piano, I'll be playing songs that I made up or songs that I like. The pieces teacher specifically assigned me to practice till I achieve fluency would be chucked aside to collect... dust.
Lazing around at One Utama.
I've always wanted to learn so much since young. I'd pester my mom to send me to ballet classes, piano classes, dance classes, language classes, art classes, guitar classes. Of course I know she'd really want to give the best to me, but then time, transport and money wouldn't allow. She wanted to sign me up for ballet, then I decided it was too slow and boring for my taste. Then there's piano, I was very enthusiastic about it at first, then slowly losing interest. I get immensely agitated when I make a mistake and would get frustrated and then I'll start banging the keys.
So, I have this theory that... maybe the feng shui around my piano is not good. If the piano was placed in different areas of the house, romantic lightings, sound-proof walls and air-conditioning, it would make me wanna stay there longer. Mom said it's excuses.
Mommy dearest *acts cute and girly*
Maybe I'm just unaware of how blessed I am. I've got wonderful parents whom I can speak to and joke with, no barrier between us. They'll give their best to make me happy, though they do it secretly most of the times. My parents bought me a piano just because they knew that I was fascinated with pianos. Not cheap, but they invested. Then when I failed my grade 7, I was just so... speechless, dumbstrucked, surprised and disappointed. My mom was too. She thought I was lying and trying to scare her when I told her I failed. Julian thought I was kidding too.
Happy Deepavali to me!
Heh.. then suddenly I thought of how much my parents have paid to send me for classes, for exams and everything. How my mom would rush back from work every Monday night just to send me to my piano classes. And grade 8 isn't cheap. So, cut the long babbling short, I'll just have to force myself to practice! Susah-susah dahulu, senang-senang kemudian. After I get my diploma, I'll be free!
Lil' bro Edwin.
I think every parent has their favourite child. And I just like to believe that I'm both my mom and my dad's favourite child. I'm their only daughter. And I've been vying for their attention and affection since forever! I'd try to achieve as much as possible, and then would proudly boast about my achievements when they're around and add the, "You should be proud of me!" sentence. HAHAHAHAHA damn childish, I know. And so my brother would accuse my dad of spoiling me most and practice favouritism, and I'll get even more worked up and more determined to be my dad's favourite forever! I damn kia-su, I know, I know. It just feels so good to be someone's favourite. And my brothers will still live. They've got each other whut, I'd feel left out most of the times. They'd be hanging out at mamaks and all, without me!
Lions for Lambs. (starring Tom Cruise, Meryl Streep and one hot dude!)
Very complicated political movie. I don't really know what's going on between Afghan, Iraq and America. That shows how ignorant I am towards global issues.
But then, when it comes to favourite brother... I really can't choose. Both got their strong points. With Julian, I can talk seriously and would sometimes get serious and intellectually-stimulating response. With Edwin, I get all... love! Hahaha he hardly raises his voice at me, in fact, he adores me like hell. [the adore part not so true lar, but I just like to believe] Edwin may sometimes come off as a lil' sissy, but the blame is all on me. I did force him to play my girly toys with me when we were lil'. I'd use him as my guinea pig, apply make-up and masks on him!
The breakfast I made for mom.
Looks odd, but she loved it. Who eats peanut butter with cheese?! Hahaha i do! My mom does too!
I've got lots pictures to post, lazy lar, next time lar. And I noticed a lot of grammatical errors in most of my entries. Ahhhh... I wanna go watch Josh Hartnett's movie! I'm upset One Utama's movie magic! Last few montjs/weeks I saw The Black Dahlia there. Then I went and search for it yesterday, ALL GONE! So pissed off. Oh yeah, new movies coming soon. Reservation Road and Martian Child. MUST WATCH. I'm a movie buff =)
WOO HOO. I've watched The Virgin Suicides already! I must get all Josh Hartnett's movies... ! This is a healthy obsession, I keep telling myself. It makes me fantasize and I can write a lot fictional short stories!
Posted at 2:06:05 pm by sabcyj
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