I was researching on how to sleep better and Insomnia and all on the Net. And funnily, I fit all the symptoms. I also stumbled upon Holiday Stress and Depression. And to my horror, I fit ALL OF THE SYMPTOMS! I looked on Depression and Teen depression, again, I fit all of the symptoms (Except being promiscuous and being suicidal). I thought I was just sad and merely joking when I said I'm suffering from depression. And uncannily also, I seem glad to know that I have symptoms of Mental Illnesses. My dad said I have personality disorder for being proud of having such mental illnesses. I mean, now that I know what's probably wrong with me (though not severe enough), I just have to tell the whole world. And I'm glad and so damn proud that I know what're my problems. Anyways, what really, really caught my attention was Sleep Paralysis.



It says here that sleep paralysis is a common condition where people are paralyzed at the onset of sleep or upon waking, often with terrifying hallucinations. Sleep paralysis can affect different people in many different ways. Knowing what to expect and how it can affect you can make symptoms much easier to cope with. Individual experiences vary, but some symptoms can include: overwhelming feelings of evil entities watching you, an intruder in your room, alien abductions, rape, an "old bag lady" or "old hag" attacking or suffocating you in your sleep (it is not known why it is always an old woman), and many other frightening experiences that always take place while in a paralyzed state. (I have these frightening hallucinations/dreams/imaginations, but rarely get into a paralyzed state.)



Well, to me, it's associated more towards the paranormal. I remember Jeremy and quite a number of other Chinese telling me not to sleep (chest + back) facing the ceiling, fear that the ghost would 'press' you or 'sit' on you, thus paralysing the person. I've had that a number of times. And now, I don't sleep facing the ceiling anymore. And now, I have the "overwhelming feelings of evil entities watching you" and "an intruder in your room". I thought I watched too many horror movies or just happen to have a very scarily imaginative and paranoid mind. I never knew they had such thing called Sleep Paralysis. Damn, I just love the Internet!



For the past few days, I've been going to bed before 12AM. I laid in bed for soooo long, trying and trying to sleep. I slept for only 1 - 2 hours, and woke up all of a sudden, abruptly too. Then it's always somewhere near 3AM, or exactly at 3AM. Being superstitious and immensely paranoid, cos of an incident and also because of The Exorcism of Emily Rose. So they say that Jesus was cruxified at 3PM, so the reverse would be 3AM where Satan go and terrorize people. So...that's why I'm scared. I sleep with my bedlights on, brightening the whole room, thus causing me difficulty to fall asleep. So I tried switching the lights off. Amidst the darkness, I'd imagine stuffs. I'd suddenly hear imaginary noises or see imaginary white figures, then I'd immediately fumble for the lights. Never knew sleeping could be this difficult. And I always get really scared when the neighbour's dog starts barking non-stop. Other than ghosts, there'd be the phobia where someone else would break into the house or my room. Or, someone fixing a hidden camera in my room.



So, you say leh? How come my brothers and dad sleep so well and snoring so loudly, while I'm trying so hard to sleep. When I close my eyes, I'd have pictures in my mind, making me restless. When I open my eyes, my eyes are so damn tired and painful, then I close again. And on and on and on... The more sheeps I count, the more restless I become. The more I read, the more restless and imaginative I become. I tried 'emptying' my head and focusing on calm water. So I imagine a very calm pond in Utopia with small, gentle ripples. And then horh, the water suddenly will appear piranhas lar, mosquitoes lar, then got rocks lar, everything can happen!



Burgghhh... My face's full of larvae(s) now. Going for facial later. Not that it'll do much help, cos' not having enough sleep causes the whole problem and worsen everything. But just wanna go clean my skin lar. I'm pretty restless right now, that's why I talk so much right now. ARGHHHH. Ming Wai ahhh, where're yoU?